Get A Life (the fancomic miniseries NOT presented by Martin Mystère) presents issue #6 - The Giants of Mont'E Prama (1).
A tribute to the years-spanning Italian Mysteries ("Mysteri Italiani") arc from the regular Martin Mystère run, the Italian version of this story featured the Giants of Mont'E Prama, also known as "i Giganti di Mont'E Prama", long before they became internationally famous as one of the most intriguing archeological features of the island of Sardinia (Italy).
The crisis of the sudden resurrection of one of those Kolossoi is faced by Diana Lombard and Vincent Von Hansen: will they be able to solve the mystery of Mont'E Prama without Martin and Java, who are busy at the Tombs of the Giants in Arzachena?
Art by Seb. English edits by Joe Teanby.
Story & lettering by Franco Villa.
Want more? Here is the Get a Life! episode index.
Dear Get a Life!,RispondiElimina
I'm mighty torn. Monte Prama's Kolossoi are everywhere. You created a monster (indeed). Regione Sardinia's invites to see these damned living forgot-ultil-now statues appear on italian magazines every week. I-it's a trend, nude and cruel. Like smartphones. Everybody have a smartphone and talk about giant Kolossoi of Monte Prama and selfies with them. I see, I listen them.
Surtout - if you give me a bit of French - I'm discombobulated by all these Martin Mystère versions. Which Martin Mystère vs Monte Prama's Kolossoi fight is real now? Your spicy hilarious Get a Life! version or spicy hilarious The New Color Adventures version? I'm really confused and ripped. Not spicy and hilarious.
I think I won't give you other money, just I did until now. Martin Mystère is dead. He's closing. (Can you see? He's there. I see. He's near.) I think I will search the REAL mystery in other comics, just... well, Mister.. no, it's ended... Tex..no, it's Tex...Zagor! Yes, Zagor. No, Buratinno said will there be news. Ok. Uhm. Morgan Lost. Yes. I will read Morgan Lost. Morgan like the pirate, Lost like... like the reader, I presume. So, what I was saying? Ah, yes: I think Get a Life! is conclused with the Many Faces of Esagons (or similia) saga. Yes, I've read successive episodes because I'm the editor, and I will read the next for the same reason, but I assure I will not read them like a reader. Surely, eh! I'm sure.
So that... I thank you, Get a Life!, and I hope for you a long, long life, but I think New Color Adventures will cruelly obscure your future proposals. I hope not, but I think the end for you is coming. I hope not, eh! I'm not a web prophet. Or a troll. But I think the things I wrote before. I'm free to think and write what I want, right?
Bòn - if you give me a bit of popular italian - I haven't other things to tell ya, so I can stop this letter now.
I hope you'll read this mine and answer me. Best wishes for you and your incredible writers (especially Luca and Cristian) from your loved
Anonymous No More Reader
p.s.: Franco is a good author too, but he writes Tarzan and Zorro's stories! I want to read Martin Mystère unauthorized spin-off, not Zorro's or Zigomar's! The next, what? Finding Captaine Nemo? Dupal's battle? Cheetah vs Jane (Austen)? If Philip J. Farmer or Marc Lofficier saw this stories, Franco would retire and forget his hobby. (Luckily the first is dead.) "Siammo franci" :) : Franco could be an excellent Zagor showrunner, but he's not a giant like Morales or Casteli or Miniaccio or Ugo Pratt or Miller (except for the name).
Dear Anonymous friend,Elimina
thank you for sharing your insightful commentary with us: we'll do our best to give you some exhaustive answers, although not as all-encompassing as your richly articulated and opinionated analysis.
The Kolossoi are indeed becoming quite popular, marketing-wise speaking, but then again, what's not to love? Look at those cute, huge, all-rounded eyes: they look like something out of a manga. And they are in Sardinia, which means that you also get mammutones, malloreddus, nuraghes, sheeps and sheperds.
Of course, the color version of the Kolossoi is far better, although the coloring scheme per itself may look a bit cheap and lame. Who's not to say that the Kolossoi were brightly painted as happened with products of other Mediterranean civilizations? We know now for a fact that the buildings and statues of Ancient Greece were gally-colored, and the authors of "Saint Seiya" didn't get them right, unless Goddes Athena opted for a restyling in the ancient times, ordering the Saints to paint everything white. Who knows?
But what we know is that you must be careful when it comes to fakes: look at the Kolossoi in the MMNAC preview pages, for instance. Those eyes look too perfect, those facial features too finely sculpted; and where are the influences from other Mediterranean cultures of that age? It could be that this Kolossoi is actually the work of a sculptor using a modern drill.
But then again, what's the point of demanding that comics be realistic? They'd end up with your heroes getting old, tormented by age illnesses and all the works. It is safer and more reassuring to constantly reboot them, especially if you switch from black&white to gally-colored pages, just like the Ancient Greece buildings. Ask Franklin Richards about this: he's been rebooting the Marvel universe every 5 years or so, since his childhood ended in 1982. That must be quite the stressful existence!
And that means that Get A Life! must die, just as your kind words imply: there's no gain in keeping a zombie alive, especially when it begins to spawn a progeny that is horrible to behold.
Unfortunately, we are talking of Franco's latest "ideas", yes: after the "Four Seasons Pizza For Marinated Mystère" saga, he has not been himself, constantly coming up with just two radically opposed sets of ideas.
He went from "A 20-issues saga with 5-pages long episodes, and in each episode Diana fu**s Martin for 5 pages" to "Let's bring in new characters! They must be young, single, hot-looking, sexually open-minded, always using the latest tech gizmos like smartphones, tablets, smart-watches, smart-glasses, smart-braces, smart-shoes. And their adventures will be hectic, frantically paced, full of cool twists, cool surprises, cleavages, and action, action action! Hear this: the main young male lead character is chased by armored goons, but he manages to dodge all of their bullets, and then he goes around in his astral body, showing his ass to the reader and his mike to the innocent bystanders in the comics. And they all will be the real Martin Mystère. Non at Rebooted, not a Remake, not an Ultimate, not an Alternate, not a Transformer, not a 2.0, not a Reprint attached to Repubblica: but exactly him right dead yeah! Can I write or can I write?"
After that, we gave him the lesser of evils: writing a Zigomar-Zorro-Tarzan-ZorryKid-Zantaf-Zakimortacc spin-off, and then finally "getting out of our balls", as the always-sophisticated (but not sofisticated) Umberto Bossy loves to say.
In fact, we are going to relocate Franco to the Fantastic Four fancomic branch, where he won't be able to do too much damage: Susan Storm Richards can f**k Reed all she wants, because she goes invisible when she does that and the Comics Code Authority won't shut down the fancomic (unlike Martin Mystère, which, as you said, is about to be shut down for good). Actually, he asked to write the "I Ronfi" relaunch, but we deemed him unable to go cosmic enough.
And finally, here is a list of unauthorized stories featuring Martin Mystère. As you can see, they mostly features someone else: does it matter if it is the Morgans or Torn and Ameera or an hispanic history graduated who lives in California?
1. "Il segreto del Teschio di Cristallo" - No Martin
2. "Il volto di Orloff" - No Martin
3-4. "La saga del Lampadario" - Martin as the main guest and deus ex machina
5. "Il ritorno del fantasma del Topkapi" - Martin as the flashback guest
6-7. "I Giganti di Mont'e Prama" - Martin as an useless guest
8. Affari Di Famiglia Allargata - Martin appears in one page
9-10-12-32. Il ragno Che Fu Cavato Dalla Terra Cava - Martin appears in part 4 as a deus ex machina
11. Incubo Nei Cieli - Martin as an useless guest
13-19-30-31. Cio' che non è Morto - Martin as an useless guest
13. Doppio Ti' alle crociate - Martin as an useless flashback guest
14. La Musica Delle Sfere - No Martin
15-19. Mistero A Mohenjo Daro - Young Martin is the main character!
16-20. Mistero A Faenza - Martin as an useless CICAP guest
17. Il Teatrino Della Memoria Corta - Martin as an useless guest
18. Nascita di una Nozione - No Martin
18-21. I viaggi segreti di Jonathan Swift - Martin is the main guest
22. La Prima Volta Di Mark - Martin is the main guest
23. Il Paradosso del Libero Arbitrio - Martin as a comedic guest
23. Bambino Progammato - Young Martin
24. T-Rex Tremendae Maiestatis - Martin as an useless flashback guest
25. L'Arca Della Cometa - Martin as an useless CICAP guest
27-28. Le Diciassette Facce Dell'Oscurità - Martin as the main character!
29. Dottor SulkaLove - No Martin
33. La donna che si spogliò per il Voynich - Martin as an useless flashback guest
34-45-46. Nel Segno Della Z - Martin is the main guest
35-36-37-38. Il vangelo a doppio taglio - Martin as the main character!
39-40. Antartide: Ora Zero - No Martin
41-44. Un Martin Per Tutte Le Stagioni - Martin kills everyone else
47. L'altro segreto delle Piramidi - Who knows?
Thank you again for sharing your two cents (of Euro) with us, and keep editing our humble fancomic, which as you know is about to be reboot, remade, restarted, ultimatized, prequeled and sequeled, and all in just one amazing one-shot special in full color (just one: white, like the cover of the impending Dylan Dog issue written by Tizzianno Sclavvi).
the Staff of Jonathan Steel